What Makes A Man?
by PokeHedwig2002
Summary: Man, I haven't been here in a while...geez, I hope my writing is still good enough for you people...anyway, not-so-mushy, depressing story. Can't really classify as AAML, read and see why. Just be gentle in your reviews, eh? I'm a little rusty!


What Makes A Man...?  
  
Disclaimer: NOT MINE! And I don't own the Westlife song, either. (Although I do wish I owned Westlife...*sighs dreamily*)  
  
Summary: Misty has left to run the Cerulean City Gym. Ash thinks that he'll be fine, but soon, he knows that the opposite is true...  
  
A/N: I AM CHIKORITA_18 REINCARNATED! I AM BACK, AND READY TO KICK SOME BUTT! Oh, by the way, I don't know if this thing has a real plot...I was just rambling...no real point. (And in my usual style, I added some innuendos from other fics in here...)  
************************************************************************************************  
This isn't goodbye  
Even as I watch you leave  
This isn't goodbye  
I swear I won't cry  
Even as tears fill my eyes  
I swear I won't cry  
  
Any other girl  
I'd let you walk away  
Any other girl  
I'm sure I'd be okay  
  
Tell me what makes a man  
Wanna give you all his heart  
Smile when you're around  
And cry when you're apart  
If you know what makes a man  
Wanna love you the way I do  
Girl, you gotta let me know  
So I can get over you  
  
Ash, Misty, Brock, and Tracey stood at a fork in the road. One sign directed them to Cerulean City, the other to Pewter City. But the four weren't lost. They were saying goodbye to Misty. Her sisters had finally offered to let her run the Cerulean Gym, and before she had thought about it, she had said yes.   
Brock looked over at Ash, who was remaining silent. "Well, Misty," he said. "You are going to write, aren't ya?" he asked.  
Misty nodded. "Yeah," she said.  
"We're gonna miss you," Tracey said. "It just won't be the same without you."  
Misty smiled at them. "Well, I'll try to call every week and argue with one of you," she said brightly. She looked over at Ash. The boy was trying his best to avoid eye contact. "Ash..." she said softly.  
Ash looked up at her, his eyes shining with tears. He tried to wipe them away, but she knew they were there. "Yeah, Mist?" he said.   
"I'll miss you," she said.  
Ash smiled, but she could tell that it was a strained, forced smile. "I'll miss you, too," he said. "Man, it's gonna be strange, not having you around criticizing everything I do."  
Misty almost laughed, but there was something about his expression that told her not to. "Well, I guess this is it," she said, slinging her pack over her shoulders and picking up Togepi, who immediately started bawling upon being separated from Pikachu.   
" 'Bye, Misty," Brock and Tracey said in unison.  
Misty smiled genuinely this time. " 'Bye," she replied.   
Ash kept his eyes focused on his shoes. Pikachu climbed into his arms, and Ash held the Pokémon tight as if he thought that Pikachu would leave, too. She couldn't be leaving, it just wasn't possible. "Misty!" he suddenly called out, running for her. "Please! Don't leave! You can't!" He dropped to his knees. "Think about this! You can't do this to me! Please, Misty!"  
Misty heard him, but didn't turn around, knowing that she would give in if she did.  
Pikachu saw the hurt in his master's eyes and sparks crackled from his cheeks.  
Ash grabbed the Pokémon. "No, Pikachu, don't shock her," he said. "Just let her go if she wants to go."  
Tracey hauled Ash to his feet. "You gonna be okay, man?" he asked.  
Ash kept his eyes on Misty until she disappeared from sight. Then he turned to walk the path back to Pewter City. The now-trio were going to visit Brock's family for a couple of days, since Brock hadn't really visited them in a few years. And then they were heading back for Pallet Town.   
Brock sighed and tapped Tracey's shoulder. "Just let him be for a little while," he said. "I mean, Misty was his best friend, we can't expect him to just get over it and that's that. He's got to have time to think about things."  
Tracey nodded.  
  
***  
  
As soon as they got to Pewter City and exchanged the necessary pleasantries with Brock's family, Ash retreated to the guest room. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he didn't really plan on visiting.   
Flint, Brock's father, watched as the kid - well, fourteen-year-old, anyway - headed to the guest room and shut the door behind him. "What's up with him?" he asked. "That's not how I remembered Ash at all."  
Brock lowered his eyes. "His best friend just left him," he said. "She left all of us, but he's taking it harder, 'cause she was with him longer."  
Flint nodded. "I understand," he said. He turned to Tracey. "So, I believe you said you were a Pokémon Watcher?"  
Tracey nodded. "Yeah," he said. "But I'm working as Professor Oak's assistant now."  
"An accomplishment worth bragging about."  
"I don't like to brag," Tracey said. He was about to say something else when the door to the guest room opened and Ash walked out. "Guys, I'm sorry, but I have to go home," he said. "I just...I can't...I have to go home."  
Brock nodded. "All right," he said. He looked at Tracey. "I want to stay here for a few days...could you go with him?"  
Tracey nodded. "Sure thing," he said. "The professor probably needs my help now, anyway."  
Ash had already walked out the door. Just before Tracey left, Brock grabbed him and pulled him aside. "Keep an eye on him," he said. "A really close eye. He tends to shut himself in when he's really upset, and that's not good for him...you know how much he cared for Misty."  
Tracey nodded. He jogged down the walkway to meet up with Ash. He didn't try and talk to Ash, he knew that the boy just wanted to be alone to think.  
  
***  
  
Delia, Ash's mother, was sitting on the sofa, watching one of her soap operas, when Ash and Tracey walked in. She was surprised to see her son so early. "Ash, I thought you were staying with Brock's family longer than this!"  
Ash didn't answer her, just walked up to his room.  
Delia looked at Tracey. "What's with him?" she asked.  
Tracey sighed. "He's taking Misty's leaving a little harder than we thought he would, that's all."  
Delia nodded. "Oh," she said.   
"He just needs some time."  
  
What makes her so right?   
Is it the sound of her laugh,  
That look in her eyes  
When do you decide  
She is that dream that you seek  
That force in your life  
  
When you apologize  
No matter who was wrong  
When you get on your knees  
If that would bring her home  
  
Tell me what makes a man  
Wanna give you all his heart  
Smile when you're around  
Cry when you're apart  
If you know what makes a man  
Wanna love you the way I do  
Girl you gotta let me know  
So I can get over you  
  
Ash stared at a photograph of him and Misty. It had been taken at the party that Professor Oak had thrown for him the first year he had competed in the Pokémon League. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he gazed at her. She was so beautiful, but he had always been too stubborn to know it, to say it. And now his chance was gone, possibly forever. She had said that she would visit, but what Gym Leader actually had time to visit?  
"Why didn't you stay with me, Misty?" he asked the photo, half-expecting an answer. "I wish I could tell you how sorry I am to your face...but you're never coming back..." He wiped away some tears, only to have them replaced with new ones. "I miss you so much already...and you haven't even been gone for a day..."  
A knock came on the door. "Ash, honey, are you in there?" Delia said.  
"Yeah," Ash replied.  
"Can I come in?"  
"If you want to," Ash said, rolling onto his side to face the wall. A second later, he felt Delia sit on the bed beside him. "Ash...you miss her, don't you?"  
Ash nodded.   
"I didn't think you would take it so hard," she said.  
"I don't know what it is about her," Ash said slowly, choking on the words. "But I just can't see myself without her anymore...she's made me who I am..."  
Delia reached over and brushed some hair out of Ash's eyes. "Honey, it's okay," she said. "You still got Brock and Tracey to hang out with. It's not like you don't have any more friends."  
"But Brock's trying to open that breeding center and Tracey's thinking of leaving for university. He just got accepted into the Mandarin Island Pokémon University. They don't have time for me. Misty was the only one who was still young enough to hang out with me. And she's gone now..." Tears once again filled his eyes.   
Delia sighed. It was never easy, losing your best friend, she knew that from several personal experiences. "Ash, baby, it's okay to be upset about losing her," she said. "But you really haven't lost her, she's just gone for a while. I'm sure she'll come back."  
Ash shook his head. "She's a Gym Leader now," he said. "Gym Leaders never have time to leave town..."  
Delia sighed. "I've raised you the best I can," she said. "Now, I think it's time you take your life into your own hands and become what you want to become. And if you don't think you can do that without Misty by your side, it's time to tell her that you can't do it without her by your side."  
  
Other girls will come along  
They always do  
But what's the point when  
All I ever want is you?  
  
Tell me what makes a man  
Wanna give you all his heart  
Smile when you're around  
Cry when you're apart  
If you know what makes a man  
Wanna love you the way I do  
Girl you gotta let me know  
So I can get over you....  
  
Ash stood outside of the Cerulean City Gym, his mother's words in his mind. "I need her with me," he said to Pikachu. "I've been a mess this last week...and if I can't stand a week without her, how am I supposed to stand the rest of my life?"  
"Pikachu, pika pika pika ka pi chu pikachu pi?" Pikachu said, staring at Ash with a bewildered expression.  
Ash sighed. "Yeah, I am going to tell her that I love her," he said. "Or at least like her...I don't know if I'm old enough to know what love is yet..."  
"Pikachu pika pika pikachu."  
"Age is a number?" Ash repeated. "Geez, Pikachu, you're getting deep."  
"Pika."  
"Whatever. Let's just go in there." But his hands began to shake the second they reached the doorbell. He had never once tried to show Misty that he cared for her. What if she thought that he was just messing with her head? Their relationship was a strange one...would this help at all?  
Daisy answered the door. "Ash!" she cried. "Like, how are you doing?"  
Ash faked a smile. "I'm just great!" he chirped with fake enthusiasm. "Is Misty here?"  
Daisy nodded. "She just finished winning her twentieth battle!" she said. "She's doing a great job here."  
Ash clenched his jaw. That meant that she was happy where she was...  
"Misty!" Daisy called out. "Ash is here to see you!"  
Misty, who had just come from the pool, stopped, stunned. "Ash!" she cried. "What are you doing here?!"  
Daisy smiled at the two of them and left the room.  
Ash felt his heart trying to pound out of his chest. "Misty...can I talk to you outside?"  
Misty saw something in his eyes that made her agree.  
Once they were Pikachu-less on the back patio, Ash decided to just get it all out, bad reaction or no. After all, it was the pop group Westlife who had said in a song "you can't lose what you never had". But Misty spoke first.  
"So, how've you been?" she asked, still trying to wring the water out of her shoulder-length hair.  
Ash sighed. "A mess," he said.  
Misty frowned at him. "What?"  
Ash sat down beside her, but far away enough that he would be out of mallet range if she didn't like what he was about to say. "Mist...I thought I'd be fine with you here and me in Pallet...but...I'm not," he said. "I wake up every morning and think I'm going to hear you lecturing me about waking up too late...but I never do...and it's...it's tearing me apart, Misty. I never let you know how much you've meant to me lately, and maybe that was part of the reason you left...but I'd be a fool to try and stand in your way now...I just wanted to see you again...and to tell you that...it's still my dream to be a Pokémon Master, but...without you there to keep me grounded...and to cheer me on when I'm in over my head...I don't think I can do it."  
"What do you want me to do, leave all of this?"  
Ash shook his head. She wasn't taking it the way he wanted her to. "No," he said. "You're your own person and you can do whatever you want...but...just..." He shook his head and stood up. "I'll see you around, Misty." He began to walk away.  
She was silent.  
Ash kept his head down until something that Tracey had once said popped into his mind - "one day, you'll hear my voice in your head, calling you a fool for leaving behind your best friend when there's so much more you can be, so might as well say it now...you ever leave her behind, and Brock and I will pound you into next week!" He smiled a bit at the last part - it had sounded so stupid, coming from Tracey, the most non-violent guy in the universe, but the first part wasn't funny. He was right, he'd been right all along.  
"Misty, I love you."   
The words shocked Misty. "What?"  
Ash felt his tears returning and starting to pour down his face. "I love you." He didn't turn around. "And it's so hard to wake up and tell myself you're not there...I've barely made it through a week, and I've still got the rest of my life to barely make it through."  
"Ash..." Misty's voice was soft. "I think you should leave."  
Ash finally turned to face her. He couldn't believe it. She was rejecting him, shooting him down. "Okay," he said, so softly that Misty wasn't sure if she heard him right. He turned back and walked away. *If this is how Brock feels every time he gets shot down, I'm surprised he's still at it...*he thought painfully.  
Misty watched him leave, his head low, arms wrapped around his stomach. She sighed. It took a lot for him to say it, she knew, but how was she expected to feel the same when all they did was argue, and fight, and whatever else they did?  
  
***  
  
Brock and Tracey were waiting at Delia's house when Ash walked in. "So?" Tracey prompted. "What did she say?"  
Ash didn't even want to look at his friend. "She told me to leave," he said. "She wouldn't even listen to me."  
"Oh, Ash..." Brock said. "Are you okay?"  
Ash shook his head miserably. He had put his whole heart into what he had said to her, and she didn't even care.   
Tracey sat back down on the couch and folded his arms. "I think the chlorine in that building got to her," he muttered.   
"No...she just doesn't love me, that's all," Ash said.  
Tracey scrunched up his face. "Anyone got a Psychic-type Pokémon so I can go brainwash her or something? This is just stupid...you two belong together!"  
Ash looked over at Tracey. "First of all, you have a Psychic Pokémon - Venonat - and second of all, don't you think I know that we belong together? It's hopeless, Trace, she just doesn't see me that way."  
Tracey sighed. "She's a fool," he said. "I don't care what anyone says, she's a freaking nutcase. If someone who I've been traveling with for four years told me that they loved me, I'd at least try to think about it...and I know Brock would jump at the chance!"  
"If someone told me they loved me, I'd eat my vest," Brock muttered.  
"Yeah, and I'd burn my sketchpads," Tracey said, his face lighting up.  
"Well, I didn't say you had to agree."  
"I know."  
"You're weird."  
"No weirder than you."  
Ash couldn't help but smile at the rather immature conversation. But still, the thought that Misty would never want to be anymore than a long-distance friend tore him apart. He had given his heart to her, and for nothing. "I'm going to bed," he announced.   
Once huddled under the covers, Ash let his tears go. Never before in his life had he been so upset. Even the time when he had tried to leave Pikachu with a bunch of wild Pikachu, his heart hadn't ached this much.  
He was suddenly aware of a Pokémon on the bed, but it wasn't Pikachu. Ash uncovered his head to see Marill standing on the bed, looking at him with her bright black eyes.   
Tracey sighed, walking in. "She doesn't like to see people upset," he said. "Never has."  
Ash slowly sat up. "Why not?"  
"Let's just say that her and I have had a rough past," Tracey said. "I had to fight tooth and nail to get where I am right now, and it hasn't been an easy trip. Marill and Venonat were full witness when I had a complete emotional breakdown. I was in the hospital for a month."  
"What for?"  
"I was suicidal," Tracey said. "I wanted to die, I really did. My friend was worried about me, so she made me go. If it wasn't for her, you guys never would have known me."  
Ash frowned. "So what does this have to do with me?" he asked.  
Tracey shrugged. "Nothing, really," he said. "You guys just always seem to think that I'm getting off with the good life, that I haven't had anything bad to deal with. I think it's about time that you guys learn some things about me."  
Ash lowered his eyes.   
Tracey sighed. "Ash, kick some butt at that competition, okay?" he said. "Maybe that will impress her into coming to congratulate you or something, and you can get another shot." He watched his friend with a worried expression. "Ash, you're not thinking of doing anything to hurt yourself, are you?"  
Ash's head snapped up. "What?" he said.   
Tracey sighed again. "Just think it over," he said. "Don't do nothing stupid." He called Marill back and walked out of the room.   
  
***  
  
Ash leaned over the rail of the trainer's platform, staring at the fallen Dragonite. Could it be? Had Dragonite fainted? Had Pikachu beat this one, just like the one in the Orange League?  
The referee held up a flag. "Dragonite has been defeated!" he shouted. "Victory goes to Ash Ketchum!"  
Ash blinked as the crowd erupted into a defeaning cheer. "I did it?" he said.  
"And Ash Ketchum has defeated Lance!" the announcer shouted, his voice bouncing off the walls of the stadium. "He now earns the right to face the undefeated Indigo League Pokémon Master!"  
"Ash, you did it!" Tracey's voice came from behind him. Brock, Tracey, Delia, and Professor Oak were running up to him.   
Ash jumped down and threw his arms around his mother. "I did it, mom!" he cried.  
"You sure did, honey," Delia said, already crying.   
Ash grinned and ran to Pikachu, scooping the Pokémon up in his arms. "Pikachu, you're the best!" he cried, hugging the little Pokémon as tight as he could. But something didn't feel right. He looked around and it hit him like a ton of bricks - Misty wasn't there. The one person he had wanted to share this victory with for years wasn't there. He felt tears burning his eyes and bolted towards the locker room. He slammed the door and sat down on the floor with his back to it to keep anyone from coming in. He couldn't stand it anymore. He couldn't face the Indigo League champion without Misty by his side.   
"Well, I guess calling you Mr. Pokémon Master won't be too sarcastic anymore," a female voice came from the doorway that he had forgotten about.  
Ash looked up to see Misty standing there. "Misty?" he said.  
Misty walked in and sat down beside him. "Ash...after what you said to me...I thought about it...and...I realized that...I was foolish to not give it a chance...and I really thought about you...and our relationship..."  
Ash wanted to hug her, kiss her, but inside, he was still devastated. He felt the tears rising in his throat already, trying to strangle him.   
"Ash?" Misty whispered.   
Ash looked at her. "You hurt me, Misty," he said. "I put all my heart into what I said that day and you just told me to leave. I don't know if I could believe you."  
Misty's jaw dropped.   
"I mean, how do I know that you won't try to hurt me again? Huh?"  
Misty stared at him, completely without an answer.  
Ash shook his head. "I thought that we could have a chance, but...I guess I was wrong."  
"Ash...I'm telling you that I'm willing to give you a chance..."  
Ash stood up. "And what happens if you decide that I'm not worth it? What then? You just dump me off? Do you realize what that would do to me?"  
"Yes, I do," Misty said. "But aren't you willing to take that chance?"  
Ash stared at her for the longest time, thinking. On one hand, she had destroyed him, but on the other, he loved her. Finally, he sighed. "No, I'm not," he said. "I think it's time you left. I'm sorry, but I think I've fallen out of love with you."  
Misty nodded slowly and walked away. "Goodbye, Ash," she whispered. "Have a nice life."  
Ash turned away. He heard her footsteps get softer and softer, but not one muscle in his body made an attempt to pursue her. He had given his heart to her, she had rejected it. It was as simple as that. There were no second chances when it came to his feelings. That part of his life was over, it was time to move on.  
  
  
THE END  
  
A/N: So? It wasn't too bad, was it? Whadaya think? Sequel? No sequel? Do you really want it to end there? 


End file.
